Thursday, August 23, 2012


I just got home from buying toilet paper. It's 7am and I'm out buying toilet paper.
Let's talk about expectations. Those I have of myself; and those that others have of me.
First I have to say that I know what I'm made of. I look a challenge in the face and make a plan, quickly. Then I complete the task to the best of my ability. Integrity and a good work ethic are very important to me at work, home and out in the public. But what do I do with a slipped disc? (I don't know that I have one yet, MRI tomorrow) How am I suppose to keep my job, keep up the house, laundry, grocery buying, keep the oil changed in the vehicles, keep the lawn mowed, dishes done, bed made, keep working on my art prize project, keep my consignment shop stocked etc all the while strappin' a bag of frozen corn to my neck?

I don't know how I'm going to do all of this.

My husband doesn't have someone cooking for him. I try my best, but I'm so busy just trying to feel better that I can't make a proper meal. I'm usually too tired after work. It's all I can do, to come in here, let the dog out, feed the dog, water the dog, listen to him whine cuz he wants to be walked, and mop the floor cuz Bud is not able to "hold it" lately, make a pot of coffee for when Geoff gets up and wonder what I can make easily so Geoff has something to eat before he goes to work.

And then there's the time Geoff needs, to be listened to, to talk, spend time together. So then I gotta figure out priorities. I can't do it all. I guess I need to learn to set priorities.
Then there's what the company expects from me. I believe they just want me to push through, forget that I'm hurt and just do my job or get moved to another area. It's my fault that my body is giving out but so what, go do your job. If you can't we'll find a way to get rid of you and fill your spot with someone that will get paid less to do the same thing.  We don't care that you hurt. We just want our parts. Then when you need to come home and get under ice and take some pain meds they might give you a day or two but don't ask for Friday cuz it's all full. I can't turn my head very well to see to drive. So I'm taking my life into my hands to go to work. I have bills to pay, I can't quit yet. Once the bills are paid, I still can't quit cuz we are getting a new roof. And then I may be facing surgery so I think to myself, how am I going to handle everything? I won't be able to do OT, let alone get to work and the 65% that S&A pays still isn't enough to help if I decide to have surgery. So I just don't know what to do. I'm really at a loss. Then because other people have abused the FMLA system at work, I even wonder if they believe me. So I guess tomorrow, Friday, August 24 I will go into work by 6am. I will leave work at 7am to go to my MRI appointment. Then once it's over I'll go back to work, all with my bag of frozen corn, strapped to my neck.

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